This article was contributed by Pink Moods.
How are you feeling?
Today, our modern fairy-tale might begin with us landing our dream job, working hard and progressing quickly. In the meantime or perhaps beforehand, we meet our ideal man. With successful jobs we move in together, engagement follows not too shortly afterwards and by our thirties we will have one or two children whilst juggling our successful careers. However, more often than not some of us can find ourselves at least 35, childless and wondering where all the time has gone. Sometimes it’s not that we have wanted to focus on careers, sometimes it’s not because we are single, sometimes it is just that fate has dealt us a hand we hadn’t asked for. So what are our options come 30 something and childless with a biological clock ticking constantly in our heads?
We are single, but not the only ones. Millions of women now find themselves single in their 30s after devoting their earlier years to having a prosperous career due to the pressure of ‘having it all’. [10 reasons women love being in their 30's] For some of us it could have been a stream of unsuccessful, time consuming relationships and by 35 we are still very much an avid player of the dating game. With success of dating sites continually on the rise it is becoming more accepted and easier to meet someone online. Look at it this way, we’ve matured enough to know exactly what we want out of a partner, but our lives have ensured that we are too busy to make it out every Friday- on top of the fact our weekly Pilates class isn’t exactly full of husband material. So what could be more useful than filling in your criteria, putting yourself out there and letting the site do its work? 30 something is as good a time as any to meet someone, and by specifying a wish for children you can ensure that you are putting your time into those who desire the same.
We have found a man, our biological clock is ticking, but is he the right one? We’ve fallen in love, but with someone who doesn’t want children. This can often be a very difficult and confusing position to be in. If you are still in the early stages of a relationship and your partner has expressed his lack of desire to have children, it could be later on down the line he becomes more open. But if not, and you are in the same position years later, what options face you? Your partner denying you the right to have children can be hurtful and difficult to overcome, if they loved you why wouldn’t they want to? But sometimes their resolve can be as strong as ours. Emotional pleas can fall on deaf ears, but an ultimatum is drastic and has to be well considered. Realistically, if this person doesn’t want a child then it would not be a good idea to start a family with him, it may also be that you are in a sexless marriage (which is becoming more common) and time is going by quickly but you still love him. However, denying yourself such a momentous life event just to stay with him will cause continuous resentment in the future whether you intend it or not.
For some of us, it is not that we are avoiding the sound of our biological clock, but instead we may work all of our lives to reach our perfect job and build the perfect ‘nest’, we thought this would mean we could eventually wind down and have a child in the right situation. Yet we find we have less time than ever. When we’ve worked so hard to reach our desired position the prospect that it may not be that suitable for our future is incredibly frustrating. But if having a child is something you greatly desire, then the career can still be there afterwards. In some cases your company could offer you the time off you need to introduce a child into the world. But other times their flexibility is limited, which could mean other roles might need to be considered. Surprisingly, enquiries into company policies for maternity leave found that those companies with a low percentage of women employees in fields such as engineering, offer good maternity packages in order to be more attractive to women. However, it might be that the time has come to be your own boss where you can take on a project of your own. Now could be the perfect time to expand your career into something that is more flexible to you, whilst also allowing you to focus on your other priorities.
These are sadly, not the only reasons for being childless without choice, but if any of the above ring true for you, if you are in your 30’s or even 40’s there is always a good chance to start your own family. By focusing on reducing your stress and prioritizing what is most important to you right now, it can help to create better opportunities and unwanted stress further down the line. (For expert support watch a few of our videos on childlessness in our Video Moods section) If however you chose to be childless, a popular choice in today’s world, then this is a different story and you don’t have to plan ahead but can live for right now [10 positive things about being child free]
Photo Credit: Copyright: maridav / 123RF Stock Photo
This article was contributed by Pink Moods.