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4 reasons why anger can ruin your confidence

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There’s a difference between assertiveness and anger. Anger is destructive, and a sign of low self-esteem rather than self-belief [How self awareness can improve your relationships] . Anger is the outlet of negative thoughts and emotions, so when you are angry, you further damage yourself. Allowing anger to take over you can cause you to become more introverted, out of fear that you could lose control again. Here are 4 reasons why anger can ruin your confidence and how they can be combatted:

Self-criticism

For the vast majority of the time, we get angry as a way of channelling guilt we feel and blame we put on ourselves, and project it onto others who frustrate us for different and minor reasons. This can not only ruin your abilities to deal with guilt and blame in a positive way, but also ruin your relationships with others, who are then blamed for something they aren’t guilty of. [Why you shouldn't blame yourself]

Before letting someone’s behaviour make you angry, think carefully about why you are angry in the first place. Is there any negative emotion that you were already feeling before this person exacerbated it that you need to confront? It’s better to try and change your behaviour and look inward before criticising and getting angry at others, because it is more productive and calming. You can’t change other people, but you can change your behaviour and your reactions – you just need to have the confidence to admit your wrongs.

Sense of inferiority

Sometimes anger is just an outlet for impatience. You are waiting on a change to happen in your life that you have no control over, and the waiting is making your feel more and more inferior and may ruin your confidence, as though you have no power or influence. Eventually you explode, because subconsciously you want to feel like you do have power and influence over something.

Instead of letting yourself be consumed by impatience, make a list of other activities that can be a good use of your time and channel your frustration into them. A good type of activity is a form of exercise where all the built up energy can be exerted and put to a healthier, more productive use.

Jealousy

Jealousy is a core emotion that comes from a lack of confidence and it can ruin your confidence further. It can start with a more general comparison to somebody else, until eventually you obsess over every minor difference you have to this person. You become angry that you aren’t like them or don’t have the things they do.

Anger in this case is tricking you. It makes you think it’s the other person’s fault, when really it’s your mindset that is ruining your confidence. Right a list of all the qualities you like about yourself, and dedicate a part of every day to reminding yourself of your strengths and their potential. You can do this as a standard list or incorporate into other strategies such as EFT and other techniques.

Denial

When faced with irreversible change, you can become angry that what you are used to is gone. The comfort and stability that is gone when something changes can ruin your confidence, as though you have had the ground open up from underneath you. What will ruin your confidence more is denying these changes and not adapting. The longer you deny, the longer it will take you to find that comfort and stability again. [How to face up to feelings of denial] 

Recognise that you are in a stage of grief – you are still coming to terms with what has changed and need time to move on. Talk through your concerns with someone you trust, and they can help you see how to adapt. They can also be a temporary source of comfort as you try and stabilise again. If like 2/3 of ladies in the UK who suffer from stress, you feel you are unable to open up to others about how you feel, then join our anonymous community and share it there.  Alternatively watch our expert videos that answer questions you may not want to ask directly in the privacy and comfort of your home whenever it suits you.

Anger can worsen any bad emotional habits that you have by stopping you from thinking rationally. The more you get angry, the less competent you get at handling change, which can ruin your self-confidence and self esteem. Don’t let anger take over you, because there are much better ways to handle difficult times.

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This article was contributed by Pink Moods.

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