This article was contributed by Pink Moods.
How are you feeling?
Have you ever looked at you life and wondered how you managed to have it so good? It’s not that you’re ungrateful, or unappreciative of the good in your life, but if anything you’re overly humble. Sometimes the luck we have can shock us, and make us question ourselves. We think we must have done something bad – playing along with the unfairness of life – in order to succeed. Did we trick people or make them believe something that was a lie. Don’t feel guilty for your happiness, when there are many reasons for you to enjoy the successes you’ve had. You are not a fraud.
If you have come from a place far removed from the successes you have now, it can be hard to adjust. You might be the first from a minority to get successful in a certain area and wonder why it was you out of all the other people to break through. What made you so special? To make it through adversity and to defy any prejudice that was not in your favour makes you special indeed. Don’t feel fraudulent; feel proud. You more than likely deserved it more than anyone else.
The quest for perfection is one that can work in our favour in terms of perseverance, but as we carry on reaching new heights, we become unable to recognise what success is and if we earned it. Our standards become impossible to reach. While others congratulate you, you feel the praise is undeserved because you’ve picked out the hundred things you could’ve done better. Realign your achievements to the real world and don’t take your shortcomings too hard. Self-critique is good but use it to learn, not to dwell. [A guide to feeling more accomplished everyday]
“Winging it” is a common phrase we hear from people who feel uncomfortable with success. They emphasise their lack of talent in order to make others feel better. You should realise that winging it is a talent, possibly the greatest of them all. What you view as extreme fortune is actually a natural aptitude. Next time you find yourself doing something well despite a lack of experience, use it as a sign that you should pursue it further and develop this new found skill further. [5 ways to discover your hidden talents]
If you feel like a fraud, you’re probably not someone who looks into the future. The idea of achievement is based around having goals, and those who view their achievements pessimistically probably don’t dream enough. It’s good to have you roots planted in the ground and be realistic, but putting your head in the clouds could help stimulate a sense of pride in you. Next time you take on something, put a vision in your mind of what you want to achieve and hold on to it. When you do it, you’ll feel accomplished rather than bewildered. Set your vision here and you will get an email in the future to check in on and you and see if you accomplished all that you aimed to. At that point you can see just how far you have come!
Insecurity stems from thinking too much about what other people want and expect, and not what you want and expect. In what psychologists call Imposter Syndrome, you view yourself externally too much and start to think of yourself as an image rather than an actual person. It stops you internalising your successes, hence you feel like a fraud. Remember that your feelings matter too, and if you genuinely think you did good, don’t be afraid to believe that you did good. Don’t rely on other people’s approval. If you suffer from low self esteem visit our Video Moods for some bite sized empowering advice to help you build your confidence daily at the touch of a button.
Learn to relax. When in a stressed environment, we become overworked and don’t know whether what we are doing is wrong or right. That point is when it’s time to recharge the batteries. Take a break from what you’re doing then return to it. You’ll have a clearer perspective, might prioritise things better and maybe even enjoy what you’re doing a bit more. Why do something if there’s no sense of fun in it? [A checklist for chilling out]
People who feel like frauds tend to come from big families, where the parents are very loving and protective of their children. As the children move away from such a closed environment they are slowly conditioned to not believe any positive comments any more because they receive them less and less, not just praise but signs of love or care. When someone wants to support you, don’t dismiss them right away. Accept them on a friendly level and detach your interactions with them from your successes. You can have any level of success and still be loved by somebody. It might teach you to not place your value so much on what you achieve.
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This article was contributed by Pink Moods.