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Challenge your Mindset

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Are these filters stopping you from finding a good relationship?


It is often advised that we accept relationships are never perfect and must be worked on, but nobody enters a relationship with such realism. We are too busy in the throes of infatuation and the excitement of falling in love to think so clearly. Not that you should – relationships would never get off the ground if optimism didn’t propel them. But, what if you’re so optimistic, you get lost in the clouds? What if you set yourself such specific standards to look for in a partner, that you never find them? Here are some filters that might be stopping you from finding a good relationship.


A first impression is mainly based on image, and that’s not a bad thing. You can’t stop your eyes from seeing people! However, the deeper a connection we make, the more the superficial things can play on our minds, when you think they wouldn’t. We can’t help who we are attracted to, but you should never limit yourself to a ‘type’. We commonly use the excuse of someone ‘not being our type’ when we feel insecure about opening up further. Why give up the chance of happiness with a green-eyed soul just because you prefer blue eyes? In truth, how unattractive can you or the person you are with truly be to not want to be with them? It’s time to be brave and admit that looks can cause initial excitement, but really aren’t that important in the long run as far as a relationship is concerned.

Guarded personalities

If you think you’re the kind of person who makes bad first impressions and hates dating, it’s probably because your approach is a little off. You might think that talking about your life and passions too much or too enthusiastically can be off-putting or even embarrassing, but hiding your personality will lower your dating success rate much more. You shouldn’t be scared of rejection or dates going wrong. The more you are yourself, the quicker you will find the person you can spend your life with. Much like in stocks and shares, you have to speculate to accumulate [11 ways to prepare for the love of your life] . Don’t let the opinions of one failed date who you’ll never see or speak to again get into your head.


When you put some thought into it, we often tend to date people of the same financial bracket – those who shop at the same places, go to the same holiday destinations, have similar backgrounds, etc. Basing your opportunities on your occupation and what you can afford however can be a big mistake, not to mention ignorant in manner. Regarding money, it shouldn’t matter when you have a connection with someone. As long as you trust each other, respect each other and understand each other’s situation, financial matters can be figured out if you’re willing.


You can’t change your family, so when your partner struggles to bond with your parents or children from a previous relationship, you could be tempted to finish it, even if you feel it’s a good relationship.[Have your relationships been affected by your parents?] Remember that a relationship is between two people, and your connection is your business only. If your family truly love you, they will be happy for you and figure out their differences. Regarding children, if your partner is truly supportive and wants to be a positive force in their lives, initial awkwardness will eventually fade.  


You should always make time for romance, but romance simply isn’t feasible every day. If you spend too much time fantasising about a perfect partner and all the good parts of a relationship, reality is going to leave you mightily disappointed. In modern times, it’s much easier to be sucked in by the idea of perfect lives even though they don’t exist, whether it’s smug pictures and bragging posts on social media sites, or the tales of glamour and romance spun by celebrities and the media. Try to keep a straight head when pursuing a relationship. Potential partners don’t want to disappoint you, and likewise you shouldn’t expect too much of them. Besides, romance is a lot more exciting when it’s less frequent and unexpected. To find the right sort of partner it is worth exploring some fun and reflective exercises in our Self Discovery section to gain more clarity on what is right for you. 

Finding a good relationship is never easy, but you have to give yourself your best chance. Putting blinkers on when a good match is available or narrowing the parameters of what makes a good partner unnecessarily is going to make a relationship less likely. Identify the ways in which you might be stopping yourself from finding love, then stop doing them!



Photo Credit: Copyright: loganban / 123RF Stock Photo

Tags:guarded, insecure, unsure


This article was contributed by Pink Moods.

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