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Does ‘ the one ’ Really Exist?

the-one

A soulmate is seen as someone who you know you will love forever, and for whom you believe you have a deep, natural affinity.
Is the concept of ‘ the one ’ fantasy or reality? Is it a fairy tale dream to find your one prince charming, or can it really come true?

What makes someone ‘the one’?

It may be superficial, but initially everyone wants someone who is attractive, we judge first on looks within seconds of meeting someone. Ideally we might be looking for someone who is ‘tall dark and handsome’, wealthy and very romantic who sweeps us off our feet. However, it doesn’t always occur to men to behave like a character from a chickflick, even if we wish they would. Unless we’re perfect ourselves, we can’t expect to date someone that looks like a supermodel, and if we’re honest we all know looks aren’t the most important quality of a partner. You could be going out with someone who is drop dead gorgeous but not be happy with them.

We have more complex emotional requirements from a partner. They are our support network and the person we always turn to. It also helps to share a sense of humour, or at least appreciate theirs. More importantly we need someone we’ve got chemistry with; there needs to be a spark, rapport and a connection for you to be able to enjoy spending time with each other. Even though there might be time when we’re apart from our other half, we should look forward to seeing them and love being with them they are there. If something really good or really bad happens to you and your immediate response is to share it with them, you know they’re your special go-to person, but does this mean that they are indeed ‘the one’?.

Signs that they’re someone you can build a solid relationship with

Couples are never mirror images; we all have different interests, but they have to overlap and have common ground to make the relationship viable.[How self awareness can improve your relationships] Problems occur when couples expect to do everything together and always think the same as the other person, which is never going to happen. There is no harm in being an individual, you’re different people and are obviously going to want to do different things. Everyone is a real person with their own emotions, motives and outlooks – we aren’t robots that can be programmed to be automatically compatible with someone we meet who we like the look of.

Despite the saying ‘opposites attract’, we have a natural desire to be with someone who understands us and is on our wavelength. Shared interests and values are important for the harmony between a couple, and a solid relationship depends on the compatibility of core values.[Lessons in love from long term marriages] Honesty, and loyalty are universal requirements for relationships to work; good communication and understanding make relationships easier; whereas things like selfishness and unkindness destroy them.

Overall, ‘ the one ’ could be seen as someone you know genuinely cares about you. They take an interest in you, your problems and your achievements and would do anything for you: they won’t let you down.

Can we find them?

Perhaps we’re actually looking for the unattainable for half of the time. Is it because we are fed a cultural legend that there is ‘ the one ’? We are bombarded through culture and the media with ideals on love and relationships. Romantic literature and fairytales tell us that there’s someone special out there for us in particular and the happy ending is us marrying them. For example, Cinderella is the only girl who will fit the glass slipper, and is the only girl for the prince. In Greek mythology Zeus cut men and women in half as a punishment and as a result we spend our lives looking for the other half of ourselves, feeling as though we are missing something until we succeed. Pop culture and music echoes this message with countless songs with titles containing ‘one love’ and famous lyrics such as ‘you’re the one that I want’ in Grease.

Desire for companionship and the pressure to be part of a couple is so strong that maybe we convince ourselves we must find ‘ the one ’. But as you go through life, you might abandon the idea that there is only one perfect man that will do and find yourself less desperate to quickly find a soulmate, marry them, and ‘live happily ever after’. In the real world we compromise unattainable ideals and pick the traits that are most important to us. The person we end up with might have few of the qualities we initially thought we needed. To discover what real love is and how to find it, then visit our Self Discovery section for a little bit of soul searching and reflection on what makes you happy and what you need to have in a partner.

The world is full of millions of people and might contain many individuals that could be your soulmate. However you can only have a relationship with someone that you end up meeting; in a different turn of events you might have found someone else that you get on equally well with. The lyrics of Natasha Bedingfield’s song Soulmate highlight the fact that we never know when or where we will find the right partner for us: ‘Is it possible Mr. Loveable Is already in my life? Right in front of me, Or maybe you’re in disguise’. It’s chance that you meet or discover a romantic interest, but it isn’t luck if that relationship works. Whether you think they’re your soulmate or not, all relationships take timing, hardwork and commitment, they don’t just magically succeed. Time reveals that someone is your soulmate and whether they stick with you through thick and thin.

Does everyone have this one soulmate that is so yearned for? It depends on your perspective and what you’d like to believe. Some people think we don’t need a soulmate and can be perfectly happy on our own, without relying on another person for that ‘completion’ of our lives. Despite ideas in ancient mythology, we aren’t born needing to find one particular person in the world, a ‘soulmate’, who makes us a whole person. Remember you aren’t half a person without one! If you want some straight talking empowering relationship advice, then visit our Video Moods for some bite sized advice and strategies to turn your love life, or dating scene around for the better!

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This article was contributed by Pink Moods.

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