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Five signs that he will break your heart

break-your-heart

It’s an odd quality we possess in thinking we can suss people out on first impressions, when really we can’t. We are obsessed with getting love and relationships right, we treat it like a game we must win. Relationships aren’t games – they have no rules and when done right it isn’t about coming out better than the other person. In truth, you’ll want the person at times to come out of situations better than you. That’s what being in love is. However, when in a relationship, you need to be wary of behaviours that could signify your other half isn’t treating you right. Here are the 5 key factors to a heartbreaker.

1) He’s superficial

Superficiality is not the same as being vain, but being hyperaware of the way people look. Someone can be seemingly innocent looking, falling in line with stereotypes like ‘the nerd’ or ‘the sensitive one’, when really they can still break your heart. If he likes to judge others for being good looking or suave and generally reinforces tropes of what a heartbreaker looks like, he’s probably hiding the heartbreaker tendency in himself.

2) He contacts you in the odd hours

We’re all busy. We have responsibilities we have to spend our working days dealing with, but if we really like someone, we’ll find the time to call or text to show we’re thinking about them. If he only ever seems to show interest in you late at night or very early in the morning, you might not realise it but that most likely means you’re not very high on his priority list, if not at all. You’re like a small-scale issue he needs to keep ticking over and slotting into his free time, rather than someone important. This will only lead to you eventually feeling more and more neglected as time goes on

3) He doesn’t have a lot of women in his life

Platonic relationships with women, both family and friends, will show he has some understanding of how to relate to the opposite gender outside of romance. If he has none as far as you can see, you have to be suspicious of what his understanding of women is, or worse, if he has got his understanding solely from other men. Relationships rely on more than the passionate side of love, and it’s possible that is all he is after. Don’t let yourself be used.

4) They aren’t settled

No solid career, no settled home, no settled plan for a future in general… it won’t be down to him being intrinsically a bad person, but his lifestyle will mean your heart will get broken the more you invest. Drifters haven’t figured out what they want or how to get stable enough to work towards something they want, and that means they’ll struggle to handle a relationship with you. One thing you cannot be lulled into doing is trying to help them. You can’t compromise your life for someone whose life is so chaotic you can’t trust whether they’ll be there tomorrow. Most importantly, you can’t fix people, they have to fix themselves.

5) He’s too defensive

If he constantly justifies everything he does that you slightly disagree with, you can’t assume it’s just you all the time. Everyone has to be open to being criticised and receiving some tough love – after all, it’s still love. Being defensive doesn’t necessarily mean he’s hiding something – in the worst case scenario, cheating – but it’s not a positive quality that a good relationship can build on. If he can’t open up to you about anything or admit when he’s done wrong, he doesn’t care enough about your relationship. You deserve to be treated better by someone has a higher regard and more respect for your feelings.

Our culture has become saturated with self-help books and rom-coms (sometimes combined). They perpetuate the myth that all the bad guys and good girls fit a stock mould, and seem to have their differences resolved in a Hollywood ending. It isn’t always about having a Hollywood ending, but looking out for yourself in a harsher reality. Having self-respect isn’t selfish, and you would do both of you a favour if you walked away from inexorable heartbreak. Waiting for it to happen before it ends will hurt you more.

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This article was contributed by Pink Moods.

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