In my clinic nearly every day I come across clients with “forgiveness issues” in one way or another. These negative thoughts and feelings massively disempower the way they think about themselves, and how they create their lives around them.
When we harbour negative thoughts and emotions, such as hatred and anger, it is ourselves who suffer more. Physiologically letting go and forgiving can lead to a more healthy self on all levels – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It can lead to improving your blood pressure, your self esteem, feeling less anxious and stressed, being able to sustain healthier personal relationships at home and at work, balancing your moods and so much more. The saying “what you think about the most becomes manifest ” is so true.
Amazingly we think approximately 30,000 thoughts a day, 75% of which we thought about yesterday and the day before – what a waste of energy if they are limiting negative thoughts. BUT forgiveness is often a difficult challenge. Ultimately you are the only one who can take control to bring in this new you and allow yourself to look at how you feel, how it’s affecting your everyday life and choose to see it in a different light.
Forgiveness does not mean that it lessens or justifies the wrong that has happened or lessens or takes away the responsibility of the other person for what they have done, nor that it can be wiped out completely, because it is a part of your life, but you can disempower its hold over you and allow yourself freedom to enjoy and create your reality in the present moment. It can mean that you can choose to forgive the person without excusing the situation.
By creating forgiveness you also create a sense of relief and bring peace and harmony back into your life. You are choosing to start a powerful process of positive change, and allowance, which you are completely in control of. You are taking back your power. The consequences of which creates a positive and healing change in your feelings and attitude.
If you feel you would like to make these changes right now to start the ball of positivity rolling, there are various ways to do this. Here is one which I use often and which has proven to be of help.
- Firstly, you will need a pen and paper to write down in as much detail the situation you are wanting to disempower, release and positively change.
- Write it out in full, creating a written picture of the situation, feeling what you feel emotionally, seeing what you see and hearing what you hear in your mind as you are writing down all the things that have gone on, writing down those ruminatory thoughts which go around and around in your mind keeping the uncomfortable feelings alive… Get them out on the paper….
- Once you are finished DO NOT READ it back, immediately burn or shred what you have written. When you have done that say out loud to yourself “I’m choosing to let go and I’m embracing forgiveness right now” use this as a daily mantra. If you were to reread what you have just written, you are putting those words and the painful emotions back into your mind. You may need to repeat this exercise over a period of time until you become desensitised or it fails to have the same effect over you.
- Next make a list of all those things you love or like about yourself, think of at least 30 different things for example:
- I love the way I make people smile
- I love being a good friend / good daughter/ good partner /wife
- I’m empathetic,
- I’m a great cook
- I like being creative
or anything which comes to mind and which makes you the amazing person you really are.
Keep this empowering list where you can see it and read it often to remind yourself of your good qualities and strengths one of which is now “FORGIVENESS”
For more expert advice on moving forward and forgiving, go to the Video Moods section.