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Getting Over a Breakup: Don’t Obsess Over Your Ex!


Getting over a breakup is a big event in our society. We have the ‘ice-cream binging, daring new haircut and getting drunk in posh bars’ routine locked into our mentality, but reality doesn’t always work that way. You’re not just getting over a person, but a former way of life.

It’s easy to pine for what has been lost since it is so significant but this will get you nowhere.

The sooner you stop obsessing over your ex, the better, and here’s why.

You broke up for a reason

If it’s not right, it’s not right. Whatever was telling you or them that the relationship was working must have had a strong presence in your mind. You can’t take milk out of the fridge, leave it there for a few days, and hope it will stay the same when you put it back in.

Break ups have a large effect on how you relate to a person, and even if there’s a chance the break up was a mistake, obsessing over it and rushing right back to them won’t bring them back to you. If anything, time needs to pass for you to assess what you want from life. Time apart can be great for a relationship as it allows you to spend time with just yourself in order to figure out who you are as an individual and what you need from a partner. Leave it a couple months completely, then you’ll know what’s best.

It changes you as a person

The reason you need to stop obsessing over your ex isn’t largely down to it stopping you meeting someone new, but because it can seriously damage your other relationships. Friends and family want to support you and take your mind off things. If you keep them at a distance or ignore them to stare at your ex’s social media profiles, they’ll find it harder to relate to you.

The chances are you’ve become a bit paranoid, jealous and pessimistic about love, and they aren’t likeable qualities. A good way of getting new perspective is to practise a form of mindfulness. Take deep breaths in a quiet, private space and forget any ex-related thoughts that come in your mind.

Repeat to yourself these mantras: you want them to be happy, that you have fantastic friends and family and that you will find love for yourself. If you really apply yourself to this form of meditation for ten minutes at least, you’ll find you’re much calmer.

It stops you being productive

We have short enough attention spans as it is in a world of smartphones, but that’s made even worse by the distraction of happy memories with your ex. If your work is less physical and less varied in location, it’s even easier for you to lose yourself in reverie, staring at the four walls while your boss gets impatient about not hitting targets. Obsessing over the past in general is bad, not just past romantic relationships. You reach a standstill by choosing not to live for new experiences and refusing to learn from past mistakes.

In truth, you’re probably looking at the past through rose-tinted glasses, filtering out the bad and keeping the good. You can’t beat yourself up forever. It’s cliché to try and change your life after a breakup but it is in fact incredibly helpful. Take up a hobby, focus on career progression [3 reasons you need to set career goals today], get a new look or work on improving an area of your life (health, finances, etc.).

Breaking up isn’t nice, no matter how serious the relationships, but negative thought patterns make them worse. If you struggle with overcoming past relationships or negative thinking, visit the Video Moods section of the site for some tips on the go.

Convincing yourself they were the one and no one else will be good enough, panicking about how much time you have to get married and have children or thinking that you need to change yourself to ever be lovable aren’t signs you need your ex back, but signs that your self-esteem needs a boost [3 reasons to stop putting yourself down]. The problem, and the solution, is you.

Love yourself, and all your attractive qualities will shine through. Don’t obsess over potential issues that you didn’t worry about before just because your circumstances have change. Embrace the change instead and take your time. Getting over a breakup is difficult, there’s no denying it. But remember, you don’t need your ex; you alone are good enough.


This article was contributed by Pink Moods.

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