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Challenge your Mindset

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Getting over your ex


There are many myths about how long it should take to get over an ex, suggestions of revenge to ease the pain and mind games you can play in order to get them back. Sometimes we just need something, anything to try and defend ourselves from hurt. If only we had an exact date on which we would be cured of our heartbreak and could continue with our lives. Unfortunately this is not possible, but there are a few methods by which to help the process.

The experts’ advice

Experts suggest different methods we can use to help speed up our recovery. Some psychologists suggest we must remove our ex as one of the primary attachment figures in our lives. We rely on our partner and as such, they are often the person we turn to in times of need and in times of celebration, and it is this loss that becomes particularly apparent to us as we find ourselves going through a break up.[Tips to mend a broken heart] Our reliance on them can become greatly reduced if we are able to replace that figure with someone else. This can be a close family member or friend who we can learn to turn to when we need someone, instead of feeling the despair of loss every time we need to talk. Slowly this person will take that natural role in your life. Going ‘cold turkey’ is another useful way of combatting your break up, allocate a period of mourning where cuddling his jumper or listening to old voicemails is allowed, but after this period remove all possessions as well as the individual.[Don't obsess over your ex] What use are old memories that may allow you to flashback to a sweet moment in the past but bring you crashing back down to earth with so much force? Allow yourself a chance at a clean slate.

Do it for you

Just the fact that you are alive and kicking through the process of a break up is a sign that you can handle it.[The real reason you are missing your past relationship] Living in the past is never a positive place to be, so do not prolong it- if all hope is lost then try not to waste anymore of your precious life given to it. No doubt there are ample other things you could (or should) be doing than weeping along to romantic comedies.

Although it is easy to become indulgent in the feelings after a break up the only person it will be damaging is you, and you have been single before and can be single again whilst being completely happy. Try not to forget all of the positive things that can be gained from having time to yourself for a while.[The benefits of living alone] You can go on dates, be spontaneous, give all your time to friends and family whilst also following what makes you happiest. This is all achievable, all you need is the patience to wait to reach it.

How will I know?

So how do you know when you are really over your ex? Many mistakenly believe that still occasionally thinking of their ex means they are not yet over them. But if you rely on this to help you to distinguish, then you will forever believe that they were your one true love. Being over someone allows you to think about them, return to fond memories; the difference lies in how you feel when this happens. If they no longer instil negative emotions of sadness and regret and you can observe impartially, then this could be a sign you may have reached the finish line. Thinking about your ex is as innocent a process as thinking about your old childhood best friend, it is the way you feel that makes the difference. Alongside this comes the frequency of their presence in your mind. Checking their Facebook every other day may still indicate that you aren’t quite ready to drop things. We are all entitled to a casual snoop every now and then – but the importance lies again in how you feel when you do this.

The most important thing to remember is that you must not let the fear of what has happened in your past dictate your new future relationships. If you need help with this see our Video Moods series or our Self Discovery eGuides to help you towards better relationships in the future. Remember, although we often live by the idea that ‘all men are the same’, they are categorically not. And fear of opening yourself up to hurt again may cause you to shut out the one who will actually treat you best!


This article was contributed by Pink Moods.

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