How wonderful would it be to feel good about yourself? To become your own best personal friend who is always supportive, nurturing and present?
It’s easy to beat ourselves up. We’ve gotten used to criticism, judgment and condemnation so much that it slips through the mind unnoticed. The inner terrorist sucks life out of you and sows doubt which spreads through the system like a poison. No amount of working hours, food, alcohol, shopping, floating in the head instead of being present in your life, pleasing others, TV, FB etc.(pick the drug of your choice) will wipe out or silence the feeling lying underneath – I am not good enough.
I can’t be certain but I suspect that most of us feel this way at times. We created a mysterious cup to pour our essence into and measure how much of us will do and can be shown to the world and how much should be buried under avoidance and denial. The thing is that what’s in our conscious awareness is just the tip of an iceberg. What really drives our behavior is hidden deeply in the unconscious. Old hurts, pain, parts of us we decided were unlovable sit in the darkness until someone or something comes too close to the wound and triggers us into a reaction. We start defending, attacking and projecting at others. Now, someone might have behaved in an unacceptable way and you need to set clear, self-respecting boundaries. Yet the button they pressed is yours. And that’s the good news. The healing power is in your hands.
As Michael King from the Cosmosis Mentoring Centre says: “Everything you experience is a direct result of your own perception. No matter what may be said to you or “done to you” – your experience is still based on your interpretation of what is occurring. Therefore, clearly the most important relationship you have is with yourself. It is absolutely pointless then to want anyone else to make anything right for you. It is not up to anyone else. Your experience of life is entirely up to you. No matter what you may see, hear or meet, your experience will always be determined by your own interpretation. This makes the cause of self-mastery even more significant. If you are your own master you will have the most wonderful experience with all of life.”
To survive, or to thrive – that is the question.
We all want to feel good about ourselves and to feel good in general. For that purpose we created layer upon layer of false identities. We covered up the truth so we can see only the polished parts of us. We wanted to shield ourselves from pain, from feeling what we thought was too much to feel. We created busy minds and busy lives with ever occupying electronic devices to keep our true emotions at bay. Has it worked? Perhaps for a while. It helped us survive when we didn’t know any better so let’s give heartfelt thanks to that self-protection mechanism. The question is – would you rather survive or thrive in your life? Would you rather re-discover your true, authentic, beautiful self or keep hiding under the blanket of outdated patterns and programs? The truth is that lying to ourselves never works in the long run. Sooner or later we realize that we betrayed our heart in order to protect it.
We swear so much about our outward reality – politicians lie, media manipulates, insurance companies and other varied institutions have hidden agendas and we talk ourselves into believing that there’s so much unfairness in the world, yet haven’t we played the biggest trick of all on ourselves? Haven’t we bought into fear and our own propaganda of “not-good-enoughness”? When are we going to stop? Would NOW be a good time? We have so much to be grateful for to others. To the men who protected our borders and made living in a peaceful country possible. To the women who fought for our right to vote. To the children who melt our hearts with their joyous giggle and eyes full of trust. Let’s treasure that and embark on a journey of self-healing so we can chip in and influence life in a positive way. Might that help you feel good about yourself?
Feeling is Healing
To heal means to clear your fear, to face the truth and let go of the baggage of the past and of your illusions. One thing to remember is that fear is not to be feared. It’s just frozen love which needs to be melted by being encompassed in your compassion, understanding and kindness. “How on Earth do I love my anger/frustration/worthlessness/sadness etc.?!” you might ask. It’s not easy but it is SIMPLE. You BE. You hold yourself in your own presence and allow the feelings to come up without wanting to change them or without judging yourself for feeling as you feel. It’s ok. YOU ARE OK. Feelings are just energy moving through you, it’s not who you are. By letting them surface and staying present you’ve shown more courage than most people on the planet. Just hold yourself in your loving presence and watch the magic happen. Since the outer is a reflection of our inner, how might your life change if you allow more love to flow through?
The journey of healing is wondrous and joyful. It’s also tedious and messy. There will be times when you would rather do anything but be with yourself. You’ll want to scrub the bath, clean under the fridge and go round the house with a cotton bud searching for that last speck of dust. You’ll go and shop for five new dresses, preferably one size too small because you are going on a diet on Monday. You’ll plan your new diet. You’ll start making salads. You’ll binge, make pudding and watch TV all day long in your sweatpants. You’ll hate yourself. To avoid the feeling of hating yourself you’ll call China to see how those folks are doing. You’ll get married and see if someone else can fill the gaping hole in your heart. You’ll have children and keep yourself busy for another 18+ years.
Until you stop and allow yourself to just be and feel whatever there is to feel. Then you’ll let it go and say: “Hey, thanks for serving me for so long. I think we are done now”. And then you’ll re-choose something new and wonderful like courage, wisdom or calm assurance. After that everything in you which disagrees with your new choice will come up just to check if you are done with the old. Who knows, maybe you would still rather be a coward or a fool… If not, you let it go again and affirm your new choice. It’s an exciting ride which continues forever. Well, that is only if you choose to evolve and continue to feel good about yourself.
On a personal note…
Let me share with you one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned during my personal journey of healing – it’s ok to reach out for help.
Several years ago I came to a point where it felt as if I was drowning and there was no one to pull me out. I lived in a state of total confusion, disorientation and alienation and felt like a puppet in my own life, dragged around by unfulfilled needs, fears, attachments and desperation. Being in my late twenties, facing a failing marriage and feelings of total unworthiness and unlovability, I started searching for something that could restore hope.
Have you ever heard the saying: “Ask and it is given”? It appears to be true. I met a wonderful, big-hearted life coach and mentor who assisted me in turning my life around. I stepped on a path of self-healing and ultimately, learning how to assist others in returning their lives to a state of balance, harmony and love. The journey has been wondrous and I would like to offer others what was so generously shared with me.
Let the journey begin…