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How to show that you are sorry


In our relationships, both parties are liable of slipping up occasionally. Being able to say that we are sorry is vital to keeping our relationship in a healthy place. We shouldn’t avoid sharing our opinions, [Why disagreements are good for relationships] however admitting to our mistakes is essential for the relationship to survive, this is especially true in the case of a heated dispute or disagreement which can cause us to resist making that critical apology in a ‘make or break’ moment.

Why do we resist saying sorry?

Whilst saying sorry is simply asking for forgiveness from another, to a lot of people it is often seen as a weakness. Admitting to our part in a problem is not something that many of us feel comfortable to do. It takes a self assured and brave person to admit that they are wrong and we have to forgo our pride in doing so. We also know that unfortunately, sorry is not enough in just the lingual sense, alongside it comes actions that validate it and the tone that we put into it. It is with consideration of all of these factors that apologies don’t come easy. We often consider the way that an apology might make us feel, rather than the importance it has for other people. Regardless of the way that we feel, sometimes an apology becomes the only option and then we are faced with how to do it properly so that others believe we truly mean it.

What are we actually meaning by saying sorry?

First we need to accept and understand the true meaning of the word. A person who is able to ask for forgiveness is one who is empathetic, strong and fair. Whilst apologizing might make you feel weak, in truth the opposite is true. True weakness is only visible to others when there is refusal of blame, it may actually appear to others as though you are too insecure in your faults to admit them. An apology when done properly can be liberating (as we all make mistakes) and proves to those around us that we value our relationships.

So how do we show that we are sorry?

Saying sorry means that you admit your wrongdoing and in order to prove its truth, will not repeat it again. In a relationship whilst we believe that saying sorry is enough, if we then behave the same way again, the value of the apology means nothing and so your partner may begin to doubt you. Similarly, if you apologize to stop the arguments, yet aren’t entirely sure about the reason you have upset them – you may act insensitively towards that issue and once again their trust in you will falter. [How self awareness can improve relationships] That’s why an apology isn’t just one word, it is explaining where you have gone wrong and why you understand their position. This shows that you have taken the time to consider their feelings and further it will deliver a much greater effect than leaving things unexplained.

How long does an apology take to be accepted?

This is difficult to answer, but perhaps ‘the time should fit the crime’. In short if you really are sorry then you are prepared to wait as long as it takes for them to heal. Whilst we would like the entire situation to feel better with the click of our fingers, often forgiveness comes before healing. [Reasons why you should be forgiving]. So even though you have been forgiven, you also need to make a little bit of extra effort to comfort them through the time that they are letting go.

Sorry isn’t a magic spell that can cure relationships over and over again, it has a shelf life, as with everything, so make sure that you use it sparingly. A word loses it’s meaning if it is repeated over and over again, and when sorry no longer has the ability to heal problems, then this is when serious issues develop in relationships. If you find you are saying sorry more often than not, then perhaps it could suggest that something about the relationship is not working out. We are all allowed a little slip up here and there but don’t let a pattern develop! For further relationship advice and tips from the experts visit our Video Moods series or download one of our fun Self Discovery eBooks to help you on your journey to finding the right relationship for you.


Photo Credit: Copyright: itsmejust / 123RF Stock Photo

Tags:sad, sorry


This article was contributed by Pink Moods.

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