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Challenge your Mindset

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How are you feeling?

How to stop the inner critic and make friends with the inner coach


“I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul” says William Ernest Henley in his uplifting poem “Invictus”. How wonderful would it be to be able to live from that space? What kind of supportive tools do we need to become our masterful selves?

Let’s start with self determination which to me it is the ability to stay present, grounded and centered and choose my thoughts, feelings, attitude and perception from that space. We all have the freedom to do so, no matter what our current circumstances, no matter what’s happening in the moment, no matter what others do or don’t do, say or not say. We have the ability to respond instead of react.

True and authentic self determination derives from self love and self esteem. It needs to come from within otherwise you are always looking for validation, acceptance and approval from outside of yourself. And that’s handing power over to others. We have got to remember that other people’s opinions are none of our business. Others look at us through their own lenses, perception, belief system, story, conditioning, fears etc. What they see in us has really nothing to do with how we really are. And the other way round. We have our own way of looking at the world and unless we have achieved complete psychological clarity and enlightenment, our perception can be pretty foggy. We see ourselves through a clouded, subjective lens, put ourselves in boxes and start believing that this mind-created version of us is real, that it is all that there is to us. How limiting!

Let’s build a healthy self esteem which allows us to fulfil our needs from within, to stand strong in self love and to realize our unlimited potential.

How can we do this? It all starts within. The external world is only a manifestation of what lies inside of us. By focusing on transforming the inner we are taking care of the outer at the same time.

How to overcome the inner critic

Criticism (inwardly and outwardly) seems deeply ingrained in our lives. We have gotten used to it, it has become a habit and most of us don’t question why it is so.
Let’s look at the roots of this activity. Where does criticism derive from?

We come to this life as fragile, tiny beings. Not only our physical bodies are delicate and prone to damage but also our emotional and mental structure is delicate and vulnerable. The world we are born into is sometimes harsh, full of judgement and criticism. What others say and do (often with good intentions) can really hurt. As little children, we don’t know any better and we create the best self-protective system we are able to. A part of it is the inner critic. If we criticize, judge, condemn and beat ourselves up as hard as we possibly can, nothing that comes from outside of ourselves will hurt as much.

As self-determining adults, we can reach out for better tools and make wiser decisions. We can turn our inner critic into an inner coach.

Let’s start with gratitude which is a key to transformation. When you hear the harsh voice in the head, consider it a gift. You’ve caught a moment when you were not present and the critic took over. It has created a smoke screen to cover up how you really feel. Simply say “no, thanks” to the critic and allow the feelings to flow. It’s important not to identify with the feeling as it’s just energy which wants to come to the surface, be felt, acknowledged and released. It is not who you are. You are much bigger and greater than this.

Also, give your mind a new job. Instead of criticizing, it can run affirmations which are a powerful method of focusing on what’s positive and creating change.

You can easily create your own positive statements expressed in the present tense, as this is what affirmations are. To get you started, here are some examples:

• I now choose to create a home which is a peaceful heaven.
• I now choose to create a body which creates perfect balance and harmony.
• I am achieving my desired weight now.
• I love life and life loves me.
• I am so grateful for all the love I have to share.

Watch how life starts shifting thanks to your optimistic attitude and make some notes of your observations. In this way, you can create a wonderful record to reach for during moments when everything seems like “doom and gloom” and it will greatly assist you in keeping things in perspective.

Steps towards becoming self determining today

I would like to thank you for the willingness and openness to search for knowledge which potentially may improve your life. Now the question is – what are you going to do differently?

We often float in our heads all day long and live in the imagination. That gives us an impression that we have done and achieved something while really all we did was think about it. Let’s look at a few simple yet powerful ways which might assist in making the change real.

• Ground – as many times throughout the day as you can, take a moment to feel your feet on the floor. Feel the ground underneath and give thanks to the planet as it’s your beautiful home. You belong here.
• Breathe deeply – take a moment to just be, to settle in the present moment. Be with and for yourself. If you’ve been speeding through life, chances are that you’ve missed you. Notice how it feels to be in your body. Comfortable, uncomfortable – let it be.
• Accept – when we judge something, we keep the energy stuck and create more of what we don’t want. Choose acceptance instead and observe how it changes your perception of life.
• Centre – gently direct attention to the heart (not the blood pumping muscle but the heart chakra located between the solar plexus and the throat). Breathe deeply and continuously into the middle of your chest. How does it feel?
How would it be like to live from this space all the time? What would it be like to have a grounded, accepting and centered friend who is always available? What if it was You?

If you want to learn more about how to put positive thoughts into action, visit Video Moods for further expert advice and tips.


Ewa Balas

Ewa is passionate about assisting people in finding the truth in the cave of their hearts, in looking within so they can re-discover inner beauty, wisely. She is committed to becoming an ever more evolved and psychologically clear human being. Ewa has worked within varied environments including teaching and journalism until she developed a life coaching and mentoring career in 2010 and became a founder of Return to Sacredness in 2015. Qualifications: Certificate IV Life Coaching and Mentoring, Foundation Certificate in Humanistic Counselling Skills & Studies. Email Ewa at ewa@unitymail.com.au for fantastic free resources, such as 'Feeling is healing'.


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