Feeling the zing of new love. The beginning of all relationships typically starts with mutual interest, excitement, great listening and response, making effort, laughter, risk taking. The vibrancy that you typically feel makes you glow, notice the most tiny of wonderful things. Life is fresh, everything seems a bright hue, everything is possible and nothing is impossible. In the early days and months passion, humour, love, delight in life is what you live. Very little will taint it. You are braver, you will try so much that is new.
Some call this the honeymoon period.
Why does this so frequently diminish after the first 6 months to two years? How many couples do you see who have been together 2+ years who still have the same delight in life and each other that they had when they first met?
Sadly what I hear time and time again in my work with women and men is that time has taken its toll. Whether it’s work, or previous experiences, the toll of child care, domestic chores, or simply those previously establish habits of thinking and taking action – rear their heads once the newness is past and the individuals involved slip back into their unconscious living, having taken their eye off the ball.
Getting the zing back
So what does it take to keep that glorious fresh vital aspect of a new relationship going forever? Is it possible?
Yes it is. It does take two. It takes both parties to want to do it. However, if one begins it is easy for the other to quickly pick up and follow.
You see the amazing and wonderful thing about the glory of new relationships, is that at the height of a new relationship, you (each of you) are simply being your best version of yourselves. You are more alert, your energy is high, you are more relaxed, you are present and focussed in the moment – taking note, being sensitive and aware of what is right, right now. When you are in this state – you are not worrying about what might happen in the future, or what has happened in the past – you are focussed on what is happening right now. You pay attention, you are curious, you are interested. You notice slight differences – take note and care when your partner is off colour in any way. You plan for the future, by doing things in the now. In this state – you eat better, are more effective in everything you do, you don’t sweat the small stuff, you exercise more, you are more interested in the world around you from a very positive perspective, you spend money on things that you want and like. The world is full of possibilities.
The only thing that is difficult about doing any of the above is if you have slipped into a deeply entrenched pattern of negative thinking and action taking. If you have slipped into the pattern where you rarely really listen to your partner – perhaps almost assuming that you know what they are going to be saying, assuming that you know what they mean – there is little room to be surprised or interested in what they are telling you – as you have already assumed that you know what they are telling you even before they have opened their mouth. If you have slipped into the pattern where you are focussing on what they didn’t do quite right before and expecting it to happen again – then you are missing what is actually happening right now.
Feeling the moment
There is no right nor wrong, there is only what is right now. Each moment right now, as it happens gives each and every one of us the opportunity to get back on track to be the very best version of ourselves. At each moment you notice that you’ve slipped off track, back into those old less resourceful patterns – praise yourself – for noticing, for being present enough to know that you at that moment had your attention elsewhere than in the present and simply step back on track to being your very best version of your best self. You will become calmer, happier, filled with more love, healthier, eat better, be more effective, your relationships will improve, life will become more interesting, fresher, more vibrant, more funny and you will once again have that Zing back in your life and your relationships.
If you would like help to shift from the patterns that you may feel stuck in, help to bring the Zing back into your life and relationships – contact me, Clara Gibson, Life, Health and Wellbeing Coach via our life coach booking service.