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Learning to love again after an affair

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Dealing with a breakup or divorce due to an affair will be particularly tough. Apart from the administrative side, the emotional effect can be painful to deal with. Even with the separation finalised and your feelings for your former spouse fading, the actual impact of being betrayed can leave a lasting mental mark on you. Finding love again after such betrayal is difficult, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of that.

Being alone

Loneliness has a bad reputation, but it’s important to adjust properly to the break-up. You have to get used to yourself as company and find out what you want as a person. [The benefits of living alone] The extra freedom you now have to explore should be used, even if you are reluctant. Maybe there are some interests or dreams you put on hold for the sake of compromise, but you don’t have to do that any more. Pursue those hobbies or holidays and build up a strong sense of self-love. Break-ups often consume us with nostalgic thoughts because we’re so used to loving and supporting someone else. Let go of those thoughts because they do not help you nor are they always truthful. You might be out of your comfort zone, but the only way out of a difficult time is through it.

Dating

Don’t automatically think you need to go back into a long term relationship. Stop seeing that as a part of your identity because that puts unnecessary pressure on you. Whatever age you are, there is no shame or discomfort to be had with dating and enjoying a social life. The best way to battle through insecurity is to take your time with finding a new partner. After the end of a breakup or marriage, dare to have the confidence to fall in love again and search for Mr. Exactly Right.[Are these filters stopping you from finding a good relationship] In this day and age, there couldn’t be more options to get back on the scene and they don’t have to be dating specific. Find local events that satisfy your interests and mingle. If you are not sure what sort of person you want or who you could be compatible with then download our fun Self Discovery eBooks for further support.

Trust

The betrayal of trust you suffered due to an affair can’t be carried forward. Remember that being wary of others and closing yourself off out of fear of getting hurt is down to your mentality, not what these men are actually like. Forgive your ex-partner and move on [Reasons why you should be forgiving] . You need to let go of the pain the break up caused you, or the pain will crop up when you least want it to. Trust of course also needs to be earned, so it’s okay to be slow with proceedings, but be open with yourself. Talk positively about yourself and show interest in what the other person loves.

Break-ups as serious as these can leave a tumult of emotions behind, and you owe yourself the space and patience to put those in order before you can fall in love again. [5 Ways to manage your emotions during a divorce] Don’t move on from the relationship feeling vengeful, bitter or disadvantaged. Use the opportunity to find a love for yourself and believe in your strength to get through it. You can do it.

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Tags:alone, betrayed, cheated, hurt, sad, upset

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This article was contributed by Pink Moods.

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