home-iconJOIN NOW 

shopping-basket (0)

Challenge your Mindset

prev-page next-page

How are you feeling?

NLP techniques to help you overcome destructive relationship patterns.


The easiest way to explain Neuro Linguistic Programming, commonly abbreviated to NLP, is to look at each of the three terms.
Firstly, Neuro is the concept that all your emotional behaviour has a physical reaction, so for example, a dry mouth when you feel anxious, going red with embarrassment or butterflies in the stomach when you are nervous. Secondly, the use of linguistics, how you communicate not only through speech, but body language and the use of self-talk when you try to make sense of your experiences. Lastly, programming is the patterns of how you organise ideas and actions. All of these terms put together show how your emotions and behaviour are inextricably linked, how powerful your own self-talk can be in effecting your behaviour and mind set, and how if you use the same pattern repeatedly, the brain will become programmed and will continue to use this pattern until you programme it with something different.

With this in mind, NLP Therapy concentrates on the language you may be using within your own mind in a negative way, which hinders positive progress. Techniques are carried out to locate these negative processes and re-programme them positively. Other techniques using light trance work allow you to access your sub conscious to find triggers you have placed and negative memories you have linked to your past which are affecting you now and will continue to affect you in the future.

People claim to experience life changing events during NLP Therapy. It is about action, it is dynamic and allows you to make the changes you want to happen now. Everyone has all the resources they need to make positive changes in their life, NLP techniques are tools to facilitate these changes, leaving you to concentrate on what you are thinking and feeling. New patterns of behaviour are established and the techniques you have learned can be used in other situations going forward in life. This reduces the continual reliance on a therapist which can be costly and time consuming. Once new patterns of positive thinking and behaviour have been established, why not use the Goal Setting Network to set yourself and reach a target that you’ve always wanted to achieve.

Another benefit of NLP is that it can be content free. This means the therapist can be effective without knowing about the problem in great detail. This is an advantage over traditional therapies as people seeking help may be embarrassed about the idea of discussing personal issues with a stranger. NLP Therapy also tends to be fast, typically resolving issues in several brief sessions, with great results within the first session.

Many people fall into a pattern, particularly around relationships, where they experience the same destructive tendencies and behaviour in the relationship, either displayed by themselves or in their partners. As explained earlier this is often linked to some form of programming that has occurred throughout past experiences. NLP therapy can assist in accessing why these destructive patterns keep reoccurring. By looking into your past, accessing the tendencies you may have programmed in your past relationships with partners or family members as far back as childhood and reprogramming them will assist you in overcoming these patterns. By analysing and teaching you to become aware of the negative self-talk you may be using on a regular basis, will also give an NLP coach an insight into how you may be subconsciously focusing on the things you don’t want from a relationship and inadvertently attracting them.

NLP is not just about the one to one work carried out with a coach, it is also about learning techniques that you can use in your everyday life to assist you in overcoming these negative tendencies towards destructive relationship patterns. The following techniques will allow you to gain confidence and self-esteem, and to have a more positive outlook on life.

• In a morning, state three things you are looking forward to in your day and on an evening, before you sleep, state three things you have valued about your day. This will focus your attention (subconsciously) throughout the day on positive aspects. (Making you feel happier and content with life is a good basis for a happy relationship).
• Become aware of the language you use in your self-talk. Listen to the things you are saying to yourself, people in destructive relationship patterns tend to say things like, ‘I can’t do it’, ‘I’m useless’,’ I’m stupid’, ‘I won’t be able to’, ‘I don’t deserve it’ etc. Becoming aware of this, stopping it and changing it to a positive thought, will boost your self-esteem and self-worth, which is typically the main reason people settle or stay in unhappy and destructive relationships.
• Make a list of what you want from a relationship, what will make you happy, the characteristic’s you’re attracted to and the type of relationship you would like to be in. Go through each point on your list and ask yourself if you feel it is possible to gain this from a relationship. If you find yourself doubting, think about what you doubt? Do you not feel that you deserve it? If not, why? Sometimes by acknowledging the emotion you feel that is linked to that particular issue and accepting it, can make you realise how strongly you have attached negative emotions to situations regarding relationships that will continue to hold you back.
• Finally, this is a great technique to get someone else to read to you. Sit back and close your eyes and imagine you are watching yourself from afar in a room, writing down your achievements in life on a piece of paper, in to the room walks someone you care about (this can be anyone), they look down at you with love in their eyes and think about what you mean to them, how much they care about you, and how special you are to them. Imagine you are floating into their body, looking through their eyes, watching you sat at the table, feel and see through their eyes, how they feel and think about you and wallow in it. This is a great technique for building your self-worth and confidence, both hugely important attributes that you can then use to go out and find a relationship that you truly deserve.


Louise Marr

Louise Marr is a 38 year old, Neuro Linguistics life coach, who specialises in coaching people to achieve their true potential or to overcome obstacles that are holding them back. After ten years of travelling around the world in her late teens, experiencing life, reflecting and discovering a lot about herself, she began to question why people are the way they are and why they act the way they do. On returning to the United Kingdom She spent the next seven years answering those questions, by gaining a degree in psychology and training in many different forms of counselling and therapy. Her shift into life coaching was ignited through her training in neuro linguistics, which gave her the skills and tools to use amazing techniques and resources to teach other people to reach their full potential, overcome difficulties, fears and anxieties and to break old patterns of recurring behaviour that are holding them back. She has since settled in Whitby, North Yorkshire with her husband and two children, continuing with her fulfilling job as a full time life coach.


Your Mood

How are you feeling?