This article was contributed by Pink Moods.
How are you feeling?
How do you decide when to start dating again after a breakup? Maybe it’s a set time period after the split (made longer if you’ve got children or just got divorced)? Maybe it’s when you’ve made a big significant change to your life, like a makeover or a career change? Maybe there’s a certain tie you need to cut from your ex which signifies you’re ready to move on, like deleting their number or moving their stuff from out of your home?
Whatever it is, there’s a type of ‘moving on’ often looked down on, and that is the rebound relationship. Different from casual dating but thought of as less serious than a boyfriend, the rebound is considered to be an emotional reaction to splitting up, caused by shock, fear of loneliness or feeling lost, etc. You rush into something new with someone else because singledom is too foreign a concept.
What are signs to look out for to see if you’re on the rebound?
1) You’re still bitter
It doesn’t have to be directed at your ex entirely, but you show signs of bitter thoughts about love and perhaps become pessimistic about relationships. Signs of this are assuming a certain attribute to a group of people, e.g. ‘all accountants are commitment-phobes’ or commenting sarcastically on certain shows of affection, such as ‘roses are such an original flower to give somebody’.
2) You’re too eager to move forward
You might convince yourself that entering a relationship straight-away isn’t necessarily bad, but the problem is resuming the pace. If you’re talking about moving in together and considering career transfers after two months, you probably haven’t taken enough time to get to know each other. It’s a scary contrast to how your life was before – settled and routine – and you might not be able to handle it. Slow it down before it spirals out of control.
3) The habits of the last relationship haven’t died
It’s an old joke that couples act weirdly in comparison to single people, who are more likely to be up-to-date and in tune with the modern world. What you consider normalcy might freak your new partner out. If you start calling them your ex’s pet name and insist on playing silly games on dates that you always used to play, the chances are you haven’t let the last relationship die properly, perhaps it is time to get over your ex? Get to know yourself as a single person first.
4) You’re more interested in the ‘physical’ side
After the emotional upheaval of the last relationship, you probably aren’t ready to be intimate on a mental and spiritual level with someone else yet. The other kind of intimacy is another story. If this relationship is only satisfying you sexually and nowhere else, the chances are it’s a rebound.
5) You’re indecisive about simple things
You’re not a commitment-phobe, but rather overthink the importance of every commitment, such as where the next date is, whether to let them make you breakfast in your kitchen, etc. If you’re insecure and anxious about things that should be simple decisions, you’re not ready to be in a comfortable relationship.
6) Your friends and family are surprised
This is quite an obvious one. If the people who know you best have some qualms about the relationship you’re pursuing, you’re probably moving on too soon.
7) You’re too happy when your ex talks to you
Your interaction doesn’t even have to be positive yet you still get a thrill out of seeing your ex. If only because you want to show them what they’re missing, it’s a bad sign that you care so much about interacting with them. You should be over your attachment to them before pursuing somebody new.
8) You’re seeking attention more than usual
If your dress sense has become more provocative and your pursuit of fun a little more ostentatious, it’s because you’re in need of attention in the same way your partner gave you their undivided attention. You need to be with someone who cares about you fully and wants to pay you attention, you shouldn’t have to force their eyes on you.
A rebound relationship comes from a dependence on someone else to be affirmed and respected as a person. Being so used to being half of something for so long means you need to readjust to be a whole of something. If you need some extra insight into breakups and what healthy relationships should be, then visit our Video Moods section for more advice and support. Appreciate yourself and spend time being happy with yourself before pursuing a rebound relationship. It doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with less commitment.
Photo Credit: Copyright: mallivan / 123RF Stock Photo
This article was contributed by Pink Moods.