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Challenge your Mindset

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How are you feeling?

Stop Living A Double Life – 6 questions that could change everything


Here you are doing great at work, going home to a loving partner or generally doing all the things that you (and the world around you) think you should. Then there’s this other side of you.

It feels like you’re a double agent

This other ‘you’ looks the same, goes to her job, does all the other stuff you do BUT she has a secret life. I’m not talking radios hidden under the bed or dead letter drops in old trees. It might be something that you don’t talk about, or not very much; maybe you’re writing a book, studying a course or dreaming about having your own business? Maybe you’re doing this in secret because you don’t feel you can admit it to anyone; it’s a dream that you’re harbouring about another way of living your life.

Maybe you feel a bit of a fraud too …

This double life means that sometimes you feel guilty about your secret self and you feel uncomfortable because of a nagging sense that everything isn’t quite right in your world. You might also feel that you don’t have the right to want something else or something more.

But what if you could bring these two parts together?

You can invite your secret self in from out of the cold, and bring the different parts of your life into alignment, with some simple but effective questions. Answer them honestly – it may be hard to start with, because your outer self will want to resist any change:

1. Who supports and nurtures you and who doesn’t?

It’s really important to know which people you want to spend time with. Are there people you know who are already on the way to being where you want to be in the future? If you’re keeping your dreams secret from someone significant in your life maybe you need to understand why that is – are you afraid they’ll laugh at you or belittle your ambitions?

2. How do you spend your time?

If you don’t make space in your schedule to do the things you need to do to progress with your dreams, perhaps it’s time to look at ways you can change that. If you need time to write you’ll have to organise things differently so you create space in your week for that. Go to the Digital Organisers for the tools to do just that!

3. What do you want to do more of and what do you want to do less of?

Make sure that you’re doing the things that are important to you and which bring you closer to the life you want, even though that might mean saying ‘no’ to things you’ve got used to doing.

4. What are your values?

You should understand what’s important to you and what values underpin all the areas of your life – your values determine what life means to you and what you move towards (or away) from. For help with this visit our Video Moods series for answers to some of the biggest searched questions.

5. What were you put on this Earth to do?

When you wake up each day knowing that you’re doing what you’re meant to do and what makes your heart sing, you’re on-purpose and everything changes. Also you’ll see how this fits with those values from the previous question. For more help on finding your purpose download our expert guide here to help you find it.

6. And what about you?

Is there something you could do to improve your well-being? Thinking about the changes you want to make to your life, there might be some tweaks to your regime that would really help you stay healthy in mind and body, and support the big changes you’re making.

Remember that no change is easy but this is about honouring the life you dream of and sharing your unique and true self with the world. That can’t be bad, can it?


Jane Minton

Jane’s a qualified Coach and NLP practitioner, with a particular interest in the science of happiness and positive emotion. Feeling stuck and lost your direction? Maybe the life you’re living isn’t the one you long for? Let Jane help you to explore what needs to change, embrace the new challenges and focus on your goals. She’ll be a trusted guide and supportive confidante, with more than 20 years of experience in counselling and supporting women in crisis. Jane has lived in Italy and now divides her time between the UK and France, working with women wherever they are via Skype or phone.


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