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The reality of a married sex life


Before we get married we assume that sex will be like a fire that burns with just a strike of a match, but what is the reality of many married sex lives of today?

Wedding night

The big day has come! You have planned this for ages, you want the day to be the best day of your life so the pressure is on, this sex must be mind blowing right? Wrong, if you are having mind blowing wedding night sex you are in fact in the minority. A poll showed that over half of couples didn’t even have sex on their wedding night.

This actually makes sense, you may have put your life savings and full investment emotionally into this person, this big day and so, of course, there is a natural anti climax in every sense of the word. It is just too hyped up for too long and it takes away the reason for the day in some cases. Or the groom is just too drunk! (according to the study that is) maybe also from the stress of the day?

Frequency of a married sex life

Ok so you are now married and you are a year or two into the union. During this time you will be taking sex for granted, you may even be trying for a family. At this point, according to a report, you are most likely to be having sex 2 to 3 times a week. This is the average and apparently it is above the amount a single person would have so things are not too bad.

The problem is that real life starts to step in and work and children start to take over, so how long does this frequency of married sex last for most people?

Mourning a sex life

According to a British sex survey by Opinium Research we are losing our sexual desire, as a nation we now have a reduced libido compared to previous years, coupled with a concern over our performance in the boudoir! There is also a mismatch of sex drives, according to a performance rating study, with men claiming to have almost double the sex drive of women.

Sexless marriage

It is estimated that there is a relatively high rate of sexless marriages with some quoting figures of up to 20% of all marriages. This means that sex may not be an essential element to a marriage. Every person, and therefore every union will be unique, what works for some will not work for others.

The real issue is that the libido matches, so if both parties are happy living without sex then why should you feel uncomfortable if you are one of those statistics? Well you shouldn’t, but if either one of you feels different to the other then it may be time to think things through about your future together. If you once had a spark a flame can reignite, but only if you both want to start a fire.

If you have general trust and communication issues holding you back in your relationship then you are not alone, have a chat with one of our life coaches that specialise in relationships to help you to get a bit of guidance and help to move you in the right direction.

Ten years in!

Congratulations, if you have made it to ten years you are doing unbelievably well, whilst marriages are now less stable than in previous generations (42 % get divorced according to Office of National Statistics) it has been found that if you make the ten year mark you are more likely to make the distance in the same way that your grandparents did.[Lessons in love from long term marriages]

It’s cultu(real)

Ok, we made this word up! But our culture helps formulate our opinions and therefore our own version of our reality. Therefore, the media showing amazing acrobatic displays of the sex lives of twenty something’s with slender bodies is possibly not helping us.

Perhaps we would all have better married sex if loving sex, out of a soul connection through the eyes, was more glamorised that tanned and toned bodies? Maybe less emphasis on ‘perfection’ of sex and bodies would help us all enjoy sex that bit more? But some of us are still having great frequent sex even years into marriage, so do share if you are one of them and what is the secret?


This article was contributed by Pink Moods.

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