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What to expect when you get divorced


Those in the midst of a marriage crisis are often scared of the concept of divorce, and become curious to know just how much of a toll it takes on your emotions and energy. Whilst it is more than possible to ensure damage control when splitting from your partner, realistic expectations for what your life will be like post-divorce aren’t often talked about properly. On the contrary, they are avoided or explained away by pointing to the obvious. You already know you’ll hurt the children’s feelings, you already know financial strains might be hard to handle, and you already know that your friendship circle might change. Divorce might be something you’ve never done, but you’re not stupid. So, in light of this, what are the surprises of divorce that you might not expect?

You’re more capable than you think

The prospect of running your household alone again can be daunting, but marriage makes you forget that you can do this alone. Marriage for most people divides the pressures of adult responsibility, from tax allowances to who does the ironing. The comfort zone of married life leads you to forget you can be independent, but you’ll find you adapt quickly after separating from your partner. You shouldn’t be but you will be surprised that, amidst potential emotional turmoil, you can carry on. If anything, having other parts of your life that now need more focus from you can be a therapeutic experience.

Support for single parents needs extreme improvement

If there are children involved, sorting out custody can become complicated if you and your partner aren’t fully cooperative. Sadly, this is not the hardest part of post-divorce parenthood. Balancing out your spending and earning when a single parent can be exhausting to the point of needing medical help. When divorcing, take extra care to plan your working days, confirming child support payments (if necessary) and ensure you have childminders – family or not – at hand. It’s going to be tough but you can make it easier with preparation at the very beginning.

The good in people is still easy to find

Marriage can cause you to stop relying on the good people of the world, but you will rediscover them. Despite the fact divorce can slightly dent your faith and trust in others, don’t let it. There’s always someone out there happy to do you a favour. Look for honesty and transparency when dating or making new friends – they are the best qualities to build relationships on.

Keep your expectations low

When it comes to the law, nothing is infallible (after all, a marriage is a legally binding contract!). Expect the worst in terms of settlement, because family law has a habit of avoiding prosecution even if justified. They’re doing their best to be fair to both sides and it might leave you disappointed.

You’ll become a confidante for many a secret

Though unfair, there is still a social taint to divorce. Instead of bringing you shame however, it makes you more trustworthy. You’re going to find out a lot about the darker, more jaded and world weary sides of others.
Divorce can be one of the troughs of our lives, but don’t let it make you forget about the peaks. Ensure you’re prepared for the real struggles of divorce, but also realise that there is a bright side. You chose to end your marriage for a reason – and ultimately it was down to unhappiness. Now that you have left that unhappiness behind, you are free to move on.


This article was contributed by Pink Moods.

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