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When love isn’t enough

When-love-isn't-enough

It is potentially one of the biggest understatements one can make – romantic relationships are difficult. Being in love with someone can be the greatest feeling, but it is only a feeling, not an assessment-based reward. There are more parts to a person that you don’t necessarily take into account when you fall in love with them. We unconditionally love family and friends, sometimes when we are complete opposites, so how can we apply the habits from those relationships to our romantic ones?

Compromise

Everyone has personal goals for themselves but a relationship involves compromise. [NLP techniques to help you overcome destructive relationship patterns] The individual needs to figure out how much they must sacrifice for the person they love. This affects all aspects of your life, from what car you want to buy, to how often you have sex, to what you watch on television on Monday night, to what overtime you take at work. It’s about being prepared to give enough of yourself to someone and it requires a delicate balance. How much of your independence are you going to miss? You have to seriously think about all the decisions you need to make and are currently able to make, because they will always involve your partner in the future. Power over your life will not just be in your possession any more.

Beliefs

Having shared values makes a relationship much easier, but it doesn’t always work out that way. In fact, negotiating between what you both agree with in society and politics can prove tricky if you’re both passionate enough. You may have clashing religious backgrounds, support different political parties, or take opposing sides in contentious public debates. Practising sensitivity to your partner’s feelings and keeping calm even when in disagreement is vital to working through such issues.[Why disagreements are good for relationships] When dealing with a conflict that directly affects your lives – for example, wanting children, smoking and drinking or what marriage ceremony you want – it is best to think of compromise. Try and find a way where you can both get something that you want, and think clearly about what you would prioritise over your respect for this person. There shouldn’t be much, if any at all.

External pressures

As much as many couples wish it could just be them and no one else in their own private world, the reality is that can never happen. We all have to face the influence of things outside of the relationship. It could be a tempting stranger or work colleague, a slowly increasing debt, an interfering relative or any dependents in the household. [Have your relationships been affected by your parents?] Honeymoon periods tend to deceive us and hide all the obstacles that will get in the way. Trying to stick together and tackle things together. The fight for trust and the maintenance of a connection adds value to a relationship.

Ourselves

Despite a relationship meaning you are one half of something, you still have your own person to deal with. [How self awareness can improve your relationships] Your own person will have individual problems still. You might struggle with an illness or condition, be a victim in a crime, have a fall out with a close friend or be witness to a problematic and stressful incident. Sometimes when stressed by something other than our relationship, it causes us to withdraw from our relationship. We become fixated with the problem and other things fade into the background. Love might not be enough to heal these other problems, but a problem shared is still a problem halved.

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The one thing these four bugbears in the course of love have in common is the need for communication to solve them. When love is proving hard to hold onto or trust in to get through a rough patch, you need to forget pride, shame or doubt and talk to your partner. Nothing gets solved if it is hidden or denied. By leaving a problem to manifest, it will strain your relationship more and more and leave more emotional baggage. When love isn’t enough, working together can be. Love can last a lifetime, even after break ups. Relationships need trust, intimacy and respect.

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This article was contributed by Pink Moods.