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Challenge your Mindset

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How are you feeling?

Who Is Pulling Your Strings?


Many women are talented carers and nurturers it is true. But not all of us. The rest of us feel we have been put in that role and are not particularly suited to it.

We may be movers and shakers in the making, good business women, catalysts for change in politics, creative writers or visual artists. We struggle to develop our potential and fulfilment beyond the mother and housewifely roles.

Too often, as women, we downplay our skills and gifts or defer to a man, even when his results don’t live up to his confident air. Men tend to overestimate, women to underestimate what they are capable of. These strings of doubt can be played upon to keep us bound up in lack of confidence.

Think about how many more people you will help by getting your gifts and skills out into the world, rather than hiding out behind somebody who colludes with your tendency to live life through them rather than having your own life.

If you find fulfilment as nurturer, thank goodness you are there, we need you!

Too often we buy into a lack of respect for the caring roles which underpin and keep the world turning, when this should be a cause for celebration and pride.

If you don’t respect yourself, who will?

Another way your strings get pulled is when you fail to empower your voice and call cavalier behaviour in those who take you for granted. If this is you, you will be a prime target for emotional manipulation by people who are only too happy to take advantage of your caring nature. The worst case scenario is you turn into a martyr and they don’t get a good press these days!

Caring for others need not entail going into victim mode.

The two key areas I see this happening to women are in relationships, both personal and professional, deferring to others when you actually have better qualifications, the best ideas and know what you are doing.

The other is in the area of money.
How you do money is how you do everything!

Do you shy away from promotion or growing your business, charging what you are worth and making more money, feeling it is not “nice” to be too concerned with money?

If this is you, do not despair. You know you are not alone don’t you? I’m sure you see women all around you, disempowering themselves, lacking the self-worth to shine with their gifts, skills and who they are, in spite of 50 years of the women’s rights’ movement in the west.

I know it can be scary to let go of the habits and beliefs of a life-time. Fears arise, “I won’t be loved ”, “I’ll have nothing” “I’ll be judged” …../……/ Fill in the gaps. Understand that this is just conditioning and you can re-condition yourself any way you choose.
Take it gently, one step at a time and reach out for help to those who will celebrate and support you living your own life.

Action steps you can take starting now:

Action 1: What part of you have you given up on? Who is that girl you used to be? Perhaps as a child free of the passions and pressures of adult life. Revive her spirit and you will be invigorated. She is still there inside you. Honour her and give yourself time and space to be who you are and do what you enjoy. The amount of time you take matters less than consistency. Start making plans to break free of others’ expectations and demands in at least one area of your life.

Action 2: What goal have you put on the back burner because the ‘time isn’t right’? That often means you are making someone else more important. Beware. This behaviour leads to you feeling resentment when the people are not duly grateful. People pick up on that resentment subliminally and hit back. “How could they do that to me after all I’ve done for them?” Not a nice scenario.

Action 3: What part of you is just waiting for the right person or opportunity to catalyze it?
Why wait? Go find them!

Spend more time with people who are interesting or fun and warm your heart.
Spend less time with people who are needy, drain your energy and don’t step up when you could use some support or understanding. Ideally delete them from your address book.
Seek out the people who will pull you forward and inspire you to be your best.
What would it be like to spend time with people who don’t need your help?
Aha!….nothing quite like this question to bring up what needs clearing for you to be able to step out with a life of your own.

There is help out here to empower yourself in money and relationships,
Keep the dreams alive of how you will be when you no longer depend on someone else to tell you who you are and how you should live your life.

Who Is Pulling Your Strings? It should be You!

If you’d like to further empower yourself and gain control of your strings, visit Video Moods or set a goal in our network.


Avril Allen

An expert in helping people resolve emotional matters, tough times and decisions in a warm, yet rational, deliberate way, I have the gift of conveying complex ideas simply. My areas of expertise include: relationship-building; stress-management, and career development. My style is light, yet incisive, organised and effective. I bring enthusiasm for sharing knowledge and fascination with how the mind works; many years’ experience as a psychologist and a high quality qualification with the rigorous Coach University. After many years of city life in London, I now coach clients, mainly by telephone and online, in my rural English seaside town along with meeting with clients in London. MBACP Senior Accredited Counsellor/Psychotherapist UKCP Accredited Psychotherapist Coach University CTP Master NLP practitioner CMI dip Management HPC (Health Professions Council) reg. Art Therapist. BIH Hypnotherapy & NLP dip (with distinction) BA (Hons 1st Class) Psychology