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Challenge your Mindset

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Why you become the people you spend the most time with


Making friends is quite a strange social skill when you think about it. It’s not something that has a systematic, step-by-step way of working. It’s something we do naturally, and often the people we make friends with seem illogical. They can seem like a clone or a complete opposite, in interests, ideologies and image. However, if you dig deeper into why you make friends with certain people, one pattern does emerge – they are fractions of you that you can combine to make a whole.


Why exactly are the friends you have still in your life, and conversely why did you end friendships with former friends? Often people drift apart and come together in a very gradual process, but what enables it? Validation. The more you get to know someone and come to like them is due to how much they validate you. They celebrate your successes, they respect your opinions, they support your decisions and they share your concerns. If you look at all you friendships, you’ll find most of them are very similar to you, even if it’s not obvious at first. We make connections with people who are pro-us. We want to be surrounded by people who allow us to live how we want and actively encourage us too, especially if the families we are born into don’t do this.


Now, a lot of friendships will come and go as people’s needs for validation change. What makes the connection last forever is the development of love, a bond so great that it will unconditionally last. Having a life long friend requires building the same kind of love you want to have for your parents, your spouse, your siblings and your children. How does that develop? Hardship. If you’re the kind of person who’d rather keep themselves to themselves and stay guarded – which is completely fine – you may find you’ll never have a lot of close friends. If you’re the kind of person who finds friendship to be overly sentimental, and values other things over other people’s feelings, you’ll attract the same kind of people. You’ll never know how good a long friendship can be if you never give yourself the chance to meet the worthy people. You might not want close friends, but if you do, you’ll need to trust others to help you out. True friendship comes when another unselfishly helps that other person in need. Mutual love for a show on television and similar career plans are suddenly unimportant. Wanting to care for that person, being prepared to see the darker sides and knowing just how much it means to them is when the company you keep starts to be less fleeting

So what are your friends for? [Why our friends define us] You’ll need different ones for different reasons, but that’s the point – they serve a purpose. Someone to tolerate your drinking, someone who’ll back you up in work meetings, someone who’ll watch the bad singers you like in concert with you… but the best friends you’ll ever make don’t serve a purpose. You are the company you keep with them because they love you because and despite everything you are. They know all about you and still want to be there. If you are a little unsure of who you are and would like to develop yourself & your strengths then visit our eBooks in Self Discovery for an indulgent journey into what makes you who you are.


This article was contributed by Pink Moods.