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Challenge your Mindset

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Why you don’t need to live in fear


Life is all about choices and it’s you who chooses how to live your life. You may see people who are high achievers as being lucky; however, it has nothing to do with luck. These people are choosing to take control of their lives. I have often heard people say “oh he is lucky he is such a positive person”. Again this has nothing to do with luck; he is choosing positivity over negativity. We are not born with either a negative or positive outlook, so where does it come from.

Learned Behaviour

In NLP we refer to the age between 1 to 7 as the ‘imprint age’. This is the period in your life where you absorb like a sponge. Everything you see, hear, feel, smell and taste is stored in the unconscious mind. You observe your parents, grand-parents, siblings, teachers and friends, and what you learn during this period moulds you and your behaviour. You were not born with fears or phobias or a lack of confidence or self esteem; they are all behaviours that you learned during this time. For instance, if you consider that the biggest and bravest of men can be afraid of spiders…Why? It is because most of us grew up seeing people jump and scream at the sight of a spider. If you had grown up seeing spiders loved and purred over just like kittens, you would not be afraid of them at all. The good news is that you have learned this behaviour therefore, you can unlearn it.

Overcoming Fear

There is only one thing in this life that you are in total control of, and that is you! Many people who live in fear and are stuck in a rut, blame this on their childhood. These people are choosing to live on the affect side of life. The people who live at cause are the people who have chosen to let go of the past and to move on. If you know that fear is holding you back then now is the time to take action, and take back control. By replacing your learned behaviour with the new behaviour will allow you to overcome all that is holding you back in life. It is better to regret doing something that to regret not doing something. If the fear of failure is holding you back, then I have some great news for you, there is no failure, there is only feedback! You see, if you attempt something and it doesn’t quite work, you have learned something, if you have learned something then there is no failure! Think back to a time when you stepped out-side of your comfort zone and remember how good it felt, no one who steps outside of that zone ever regrets it. So you see there is no need to live in fear of anything, only if you choose to. If you struggle to manage fear then visit our inspiring expert Video Moods series to help you on your way.

The five steps below will help you get back in the driving seat of your life and to bring your dreams to reality.

1. Self-Talk

The first step in overcoming fear is to monitor your self-talk. This chitter chatter can sabotage your life. Thoughts come before the emotion, so when you feel fear, it is your thoughts that created it. If you created that thought, then you can un-create it and chose a positive thought instead. Instead of worrying about making mistakes, tell, repeat to yourself over and over “I can do this”, and then you will!

2. Keep Positive

What you concentrate on, you move toward! Ensure you are concentrating on what you want, forget about what you don’t want. Ensure your thoughts are positive. Every night before you sleep and every morning before you get up, have a compelling positive thought. If you need more support with this then download our happiness planner here.

3. Live in the moment

Stop dwelling on the past, it is gone, you can’t change it. Don’t worry about the future; you can never know what may be. If you start a thought with “what if”, then this is you playing out a future scenario that may never happen. The only true moment you ever have is now, so push all those worries and concerns away and start living in the moment.

4. Face your Fear

The next time you have to face your fear. Close your eyes and picture yourself after the event. Be disassociated, looking down at yourself, see how happy and relieved you look, then associate yourself and looking through your own eyes see and feel how great it feels to have faced fear and come out the other side.

5. Plan ahead

Write up a list of goals that you want to achieve and post them up on the wall where you see them every day. As you tick them off one by one, your motivation will grow and your confidence and self belief with it. You can also post your goal in our goal setting network where you can seek support from our community. For more information on how to set meaningful goals and step by step guidance on how to do it, visit our planners and checklists section.

Don’t let fear of the unknown hold you back, life is for living; ensure you live every moment positively.


Vicki French

Vicki has been very successful in enabling clients to take back control of their lives, to get unstuck and out of their comfort zones. If you are in a place where you know something is not right, or you want change, but fear is holding you back, then coaching with Vicki is your answer. As an accredited NLP Master Coach and Professional and Personal Life coach, she will use techniques that are fast, effective and that will allow you to release past emotions and teach you how to move forward. You will also take away with you, the tools that will prevent you from ever sliding backwards.


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