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Challenge your Mindset

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Why you shouldn’t blame yourself


We all make mistakes. We all do bad things from time to time and people, likewise, do bad things to us. Forgiving and learning is a normal part of life, but sometimes we obsess over or become too attached to the process of forgiveness.

Do we deserve to be forgiven? Have we forgiven ourselves? Was it our right to forgive or was it actually our fault? The process of moving on from a mistake – a misdeed – can be emotionally complex, and sometimes our conclusion is to internalise the conflict in emotions. We find it easier to just blame ourselves for anything, not wanting to hurt others or make things complicated.

However, blaming yourself is not the answer.

Blame is not an action
Blame encourages a habit of thinking rather than doing. Instead of taking action to atone for something you’ve done, you dwell in guilt [10 reasons why guilt is a wasted emotion]. Taking the blame is about accepting responsibility, it is not to affirm any negative thoughts or emotions you have over an incident.

Negative thoughts do not change the situation, positive action does. If you make the effort to resolve an incident, even if it doesn’t improve your relationship with somebody, it brings peace to you. It enables you to learn lessons and become a better person. Self-pity and worry that you’re a bad person does not enable this.

When the time doesn’t fit the crime
Sometimes we place too severe a blame on ourselves for small mistakes. Innocent errors don’t mean you should punish yourself forever. At some point you have to let go of the notion that you have to be perfect all the time. The people you think you have aggrieved will have forgiven and forgotten your mistake long ago, if it even needed forgiving.

Sometimes we blame ourselves not for the mistake, in this sense, but because we don’t fit an idea of who we should be [How to feel loved]. The desire to be improved and be a better version of you is good, but it shouldn’t consume you.

Your self-esteem will suffer
Having a low self-esteem means you will have a low opinion of yourself, including your feelings and thoughts. You are in a routine of blaming yourself every day, of overthinking everything you do and overthinking people’s opinions of you [5 methods to stop overthinking], normally reaching negative conclusions.

Self-blame can develop into something worse, like depression or anxiety [5 key triggers of anxiety]. If someone has ever had a negative opinion of you, don’t give it too much authority over you. By trying to pander to others, you might be taking away responsibility from them. Sometimes, others are in the wrong and should apologise and take the blame themselves.

Blaming yourself can make you focus on yourself too much. You forget that others have to take blame for things in their lives too, because others make mistakes and have to move on.

If you’re struggling with an incident in the past which may have led you to blame yourself on a regular basis, it’s good to speak about this with a trusted friend, or even one of our life coaches. They can give you perspective on issues you have. Allow yourself to move on.


This article was contributed by Pink Moods.

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